9 Bad Jokes

1. I forgot how to break down the chicken, so I decided to wing it.

2. The German dumplings kept sticking to the sauté pan despite the oil; there must’ve been something spaetzle about it.

3. Chef

The butcher blocks had been stained from the beet class the previous night, and thus were sanded for cleaning.

Me:

You mean that the counters were badly beaten.

4. C:

Well, I doubt either of you would find me very alluring right now in my hair rollers and bathrobe…. not exactly a Victoria’s Secret moment!  Even my dog is covering his eyes with his paws.

Me:

He put his life on pause.

5. [Setup: You need to know that my organization’s name is WEX (for Windows Experience), and there’s a chatty mailing list called “WEX Casual”.]

R:

Sometimes I wonder why I bother reading this mailing list.

Me:

Perhaps you’re dyslexic, and thought you were signing up for a lot of casual WEX.

6. I forgot to add: You know, of course, that the name for our security initiative is Safe WEX.

7. Me

I’m going to Scranton and Wasilla.

J

Say hi to Joe and Sarah for me.

Me

I’ll be bidin’ my time, not pallin’ around.

8. I posted a link to an interview with the author of The Big Necessity, excerpting the intro:

If you’re one of those Americans who does not leave the house without showering and applying deodorant, you may be surprised to learn that hundreds of millions of people around the world likely think that you’re unclean, if not downright disgusting.

It’s all about how you clean your butt.

I added

Someone is probably going to accuse me of questionable taste for posting this on work mailing list, but I don’t give a shit.

9. [Setup: Someone sent an email to a mailing list called “Wine Discussion”, thinking it was about WiNE] I wrote:

This alias is not concerned with WINE, the Windows Emulator that Is Not, but rather, wine, the alcoholic beverage that originated in the “Israel/Iran/Georgia” and is now consumed in vast quantities with varying degrees of pleasure and pretentiousness around the world.